Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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