i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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