Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
