I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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