I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
