this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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