You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
