It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
