Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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