Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
