you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
