Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
