Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
