Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
