she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
COCAINE IS GR8
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
