the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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