Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
