Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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