I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
