Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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