Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
