We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
