i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
