can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
