i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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