I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
tell me about the eggs
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