He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
