is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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