I think I am morally bankrupt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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