captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
