Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
