You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
