I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
