Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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