The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
