he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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