i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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