tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As shirtless as possible
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
