so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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