She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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