I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and she was petting her beer can
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
