my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
