Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
