girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Green mimosas i think yes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
