fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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