My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
