I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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