Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
