He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know her cup size but not her name....
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