Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i now understand why vodka
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
