just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
